i love you , boy

Tuesday, September 26, 2006 ' 5:44 PM

Prelims was crap. Most of my results turn out to be the opposite of what I expected. Sorry cheong, no mood for SI now. I'll blog next time.

See, like for english I expected a fail. And I passed with a B, even though it's still not good. But at least I didn't fail. Chinese, expected to pass, but failed, by TWO AND A HALF MARKS. UPON TWO HUNDRED. Emath, didn't expect to do well, but did expect some SMALL bit of moderation, but no, because of smart students [no need to mention who] who have already successfully filled the "As" quotient the teachers have to meet. Amath, did not expect to do SO HORRIBLY. Expected no less than a B4 actually. Imagine the shock I got when I got back sections with a marginal mark. And I had like, what? 19 marks worth of careless mistakes. That's enough to upgrade me to an A1, too. So OKAY, FINE. I just worry what my parents and tuition teachers will think, say, do, whatever. Chemistry was like, total dunno-what. I almost cried please. Because it's like the first A I got after receiving how many failed papers. I was so so so surprised. But then, I owe it to Mrs Selvam, because she's super super super lenient with the marking. And I cannot believe I actually got all the cations and anions of the practical right. So unbelievable. At least with this, I know I'm not a total loser, a worthless freak who's simply sucking up natural resources and spending my parents' hard-earned money, who can't even score a decent B, or just pass one single subject, even after getting tuition. But still, there's still somehow the humiliation that she's the only loser from 2/2 scoring a B4 for english, because of very low grades for comprehension and oral, who can't even complete guided essay. And have I even started on GEOG? BECAUSE I THINK TAKING CORE GEOG IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST MISTAKES IN MY LIFE. NEVER EVER, HAVE I STEPPED BEYOND THE BOUNDARY OF F9 FOR CORE GEOGRAPHY. It's like, why do I even bother studying actually? Study or not, what difference does it make? F9, regardless a 23 or 35, it's still an F9. And SS, I don't get the point, ok? I'm not cut out to be a politician. I don't have fabulous brains which can analyse this kind of stuff.

Consensus of the day: Weeds SUCKS at humanities! Because she's a WEED, get it? It's far too small to contain highly intellectual information, because anyway, she'll die after a short period of time. See? Weeds has no hope. Weeds is also tired of collecting money. Weeds is tired of trying to live up to expectations. Weeds hates herself because she seems so insignificant compared to others. Is it because weeds doesn't put in enough effort? Is it because weeds is too complacent? Is it because weeds spends too much time doing stuff LIKE THIS? And God is punishing her? So much for being a pillar of strength. Which addresses another question. Then who is MY pillar of strength?

I met this lovely old lady in Toa Payoh interchange today. She's 70 over, and was a convent girl. She studied in Victoria Street in her days, and she was telling me all about her travelling experiences and all (we sat in 157 together). I learnt so much from her. It's people like these who give you inspiration and encouragement to work harder in life. I can never imagine how young people can view the elderly as burdens. They are like, the highest life-forms you can find on earth. Knowledgable, friendly, not judgemental, definitely not competitive. It's great listening to their life experiences because you learn so much from their words. And it's like, someone you can turn to, if you find that it's hard to go on walking through life.

I'm super thankful for all the people who have listened to me throughout these four years in IJ. No matter for fun and laughter, or for woes and sorrows, I thank you all the same. Like Mandy, Cheong, Gabby and such, thank you for all the joys you have brought to me. And Jessica, Teena, Eirene, and even Felicia, thank you for all the times you have listened patiently to my rants and complaints, and all that, thank you for bearing with me and giving me guidence when I broke down in front of you and embarrassed myself silly by incontrollably crying non-stop. Really, THANK YOU ALL! :)

XOXO