i love you , boy

Friday, January 04, 2008 ' 6:53 PM

Through the window panel

Third day of school today and I was in such a lousy mood. Felt very anti-social, and I'll bet my face was as black as charcoal. Words were probably laced with poison too, but I don't do it intentionally. The library's always good for some me-time, and for sleep. What was good was that I didn't sleep at all today in all of the lessons, so congratulations to myself. Didn't understand much about chemistry alkanes though, I better go read up.

I think, God is really quite nice to me.

On the bus, who coincidentally got on and went up to the upper deck, but Amelia Toh! Talking to her lifted up my spirits quite a bit even though it wasn't a very long talk. Thank you so much, dear! :D

This year will be tougher to get through, than I thought it would.

Updated at 11.46pm:
I am so so sianzz now, and I can't find anymore blogs to read. So as usual I'm gonna blog to talk to myself.

I'm doing a really bad job of keeping up with the study-slack resolution, because I never do study right after I get home. I mean, after one whole day of absorbing information in school, I just can't justify studying again when I can do more relaxing stuff at least for a while. The problem is, the a while often turns to a whole few hours right up until I go to bed. Which is really really bad. This habit I've had since primary school, how to change it now! I really want to, but when it comes to the crunch, I just lose all self-abstinence. I realise I reflect a lot, but does that make me a better person? I still get angry, I still lose my cool and everything. Is it even good bottling up your anger? All these questions I've a thousand of them. But the answer is never black or white I guess, so no point asking them. I do appreciate everything, but somehow this everything is still lacking in something I so desperately seek. I guess it's something you have to fight for. But sometimes I find that I'm doing this all alone, just when I thought I had my friends I could count on. Then the reality that the world doesn't revolve around me hits me like an acorn on Chicken Little. It's just that when you watch TV shows, they always show a group of super close friends who can die for each other. So I like to think it's true. I don't know whether this is rubbish. Is this rubbish? I bet no one read every single thing up to here anyway, so I'm just gonna continue. Remember what I said about friends being super important in a JC, because they are the ones who're gonna make you motivated about school? I still firmly believe in that. So when you actually lose a lot of trust in your friends, you will find that school is such a drag that it's as good as going to a deserted island on your own, yes you're on your own. It's not surprising that some certain people actually ignore me because it has been happening in that particular section for quite some time now, but it's still extremely annoying. The thing is I truly believe they were just too engrossed in their own conversations because they are very nice people, some of them. But, I don't know. Other times, it can be so insensitive. I'm just pretty upset by the way things are right now, but this is life isn't it? I guess I'm still rather childish, but I will grow up to be stronger some day.

XOXO